So a few days after my last post Kidlet’s father went into the hospital and the ICU. This was not really an unusual occurrence considering he was an alcoholic who was warned that he did severe damage to his liver and that anymore drinking would not end well for him. Two days later I attended my college graduation, had a cookout / party then went out with my cousin, my local bestie & her boyfriend and had a great time.
The week after graduation Kidlet went up to the hospital to see her father who at the time was not very coherent, and returned with this picture which made me realize that this hospitalization was far worse and more serious than we were led to believe.
When Kidlet came home I learned that his liver was no longer functioning and that he would need a liver transplant however, as an alcoholic we was ineligible until he got well enough to leave the hospital and be sober for at least 6 months (which we knew was impossible) also at that point he had one session of dialysis because his kidneys were not working well either. I finally spoke to his girlfriend (fiancee?) for the first time since they were together (11 years I think) the following week and she wanted to bring both myself & Kidlet up to see him.
When we got up there that day he was on a ventilator because his heart was too weak to pump the blood to his lungs, both his liver & kidneys were not working (they tried dialysis again that day but that made him deteriorate so they had to stop) and he was maxed out on all the possible medication that they could give him. I knew that he was not going to survive this and so did Kidlet but, the girlfriend refused to believe it even after the doctor came in and told her at this point there was nothing left for them to do and that she should consider what his wishes would be. I am thankful that he assigned her as his medical proxy because otherwise since we were legally married I would have had to make his medical decisions which I really wanted no part of. He knew Kidlet & I were there with his girlfriend and he kept giving her dirty looks because he was pissed at her yet, sad eyes to Kidlet & I. We stayed for over an hour and Kidlet talked to him, a priest came in to say prayers and I just didn’t know what to say so I said nothing at all.
That evening, his girlfriend called to tell us that the doctors gave him 24 – 48 hours to live even on all the machines. Of course Kidlet & I were upset but were were realistic when we came home so we knew. Two days later at 4:30 am we got the call that he passed away and it was heartbreaking to have to tell my child that her father died because he was an alcoholic that would not accept the reality that he was one & do something about it. Everything was a clusterfuck after that because we had to arrange things with the funeral home and because I was legally his wife I had to sign for it all. There was a “memorial” (basically a cookout with alcohol) planned by his girlfriend and insensitively scheduled two days before Kidlet’s 16th birthday which was a total shitshow because it was not about his life or his daughter … it was about sympathy for his girlfriend.
Two days later Kidlet turned 16 …. It was hard for her to wake up and realize that she was not going to get a birthday call from her father. But, we did have a low key birthday celebration going out to dinner with my Uncle & having the awesomest cake ever.
So, within less than 30 days we had a graduation, a death and a birthday …. so many emotional stages of life.